What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

We were not on the streets..

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Why would my ex block me after I blocked him?

Im still living with it.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Isn't it a turn on to have sex with a girl in a skirt or in a tight spandex?

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Especially a lifetime of it.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Why do men love to stink/being smelly?

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

My family never makes their pension either.

How do I deal with autistic burnout/meltdown/shutdown when cooking?

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Comes on , in middle age.

What are the best examples of reverse psychology?

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I write beautiful poetry .

Is there anything you did that you regret? If so, what is it, and why?

She wouldn,t have been !

This is soul school!.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Why is the word "democracy" not in the preamble of the US Constitution?

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

How can we understand the mind of a Trump supporter?

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

What did i know ?

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Why are the Chinese so sensitive to Western criticism?

He knew the spot.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Why do so many guys love anime girls?

We all went to grammer schools

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

She found it foreign!.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I was very sick at this time too.

I will be 64.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Who then, do I blame.?

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

I think the readers, may guess!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

He resisted the act ,that day.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

My life is so biszare .

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I never cut or harmed myself..

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

But it wasn’t much.

Put me off passion for life!!

Ive learnt so much.

I was scared of men, in general

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

But ive been too sick for many years..

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

But, we were locked up after school.

As i do to all so called friends.?

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

She loved him until the end.

She married twice! .

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

She was in good health!

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Would this be the day?

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

And i lived it daily.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I have no regrets .

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

All the time i was locked up.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

So whats the point in blame.

I was seconnd youngest,

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I waited trembling.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

(And it was in our own minds.)

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

So, i spoilt her more .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I said to her

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

When she asked me how she looked .

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Was to survive, this bastard.

I couldn’t, believe it.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I don,t even have a pension.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Why did i forgive my father ?

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

It was going to be , some day.

I could never make a relationship work though!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

One cannot live in the past .

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I was 9 years of age.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!